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Nigerian vs. American Schooling. Hello you guys, and welcome back to my channel, my name is Laraddiji. If you’re here for the first time, you’re most especially welcome to this family. Don’t forget to like this post and subscribe if you’ve been inspired from what you’ll read today. I’ll be talking about my experiences with schools I attended back home versus the ones I attended here in the US. Well, let’s get to it. I love that I get to go back in time with you guys to the schools I attended back in my home country Nigeria compared to the ones I attended here in the States. Thank God for WordPress, I’ll also be able to read this post many years to come.
I really wish I was consistent with my blogging many years ago, because I think I have some sort of memory loss, mostly detailed memory loss. For the purpose of this post I’ll only talk about memories that stand out from all the schools I’ve attended. I was born in Lagos state, this is usually the state where I believe most people who travel to Nigeria visit first, I don’t remember much from the first school I attended called Police Children School but I do remember seeing a class picture later on when I was older in our family photo album, which I don’t have here, the pictures are all back home.
My mom and I lived with my grandparents when I was about 4yrs old and that picture was taken around maybe 1991. In the picture, I remember seeing my mom who was also a teacher in that school, myself and the rest of my Primary 1 class that I was apparently a part of equivalent to 1st grade here in the States. I also remember my parents telling me stories where she would try to get a seat on an overcrowded public bus by putting me through the window of the bus and then telling the bus conductor she had to get to her daughter. Basically getting transportation was a hassle back then and that was what people would resort to doing.
Earlier on in their marriage, my parents were living apart due to their jobs, then my mom and I moved to the state where my dad was OSun, I had a little brother by now. I was maybe 5yrs old and the year was 1992. I remember attending this very small school not far from my house called Osun State College Primary School, it was the only school I attended in my educational; career that had a school bus, my brother and I attended only one grade there, for me that was Primary 2, equivalent to 2nd grade. Nothing much really happened here for me but I do remember my parents saying I discovered the swing here and that my uniform was always dirt brown by the time I came home. Even if my uniform was washed, dried and pressed the night before it would be dirt brown by pick up time.
And then we had to move again, about 30mins to an hour away. Then we started attending St. Franciscan Primary school, I did my 3rd, 4th and 5th grade in that school from 93’ to 95’, by now I was 8yrs old and nothing much really happened here but I do remember getting an infected knee that made me walk very funny because of the pain I was in. My knee got so swollen and painful and after a while of no official medical treatment, it started oozing a lot of pus, I don’t think I’ve ever fallen ill except for this, Now that I think about it, I believe I got that septic knee from kneeling down because this is how we show respect to our elders like how the Chinese bow, I must have knelt on some dirt.
I believe this was where my love for nursing started from. A nurse had made an impression on me when I was being treated. While schooling at St Franciscan, my parents made money farming, yam, pepper, corn and others and I loved helping my dad in his plantation. I don’t remember a time when I helped my mum in the kitchen, but I was always with my dad, this made me very independent at a young age and I find myself telling people “its ok, you don’t have to help me” I’m not helpless, I can do it is really what I want to say, If I need help, I’ll ask, not in any proud way but I’ve learnt to do tough tasks myself. I digress.
We had to move again, back to my grandmas house in Lagos state, my grandpa had passed on by then, my dad had won the U.S. lottery and he would travel to the States. So, my schooling adventure continued in Shadel Montessori school in 1996, I actually loved this school, I had to repeat Primary 5/5th grade here in the States but for the life of me I can’t remember the reason why, I learnt the Montessori way of spelling and then I finished my Primary school education the year after. There was a time I thought I would attend boarding school in another state for my secondary school education and actually I had to cut my hair in preparation for that but that ended up not happening.
I later came back to Lagos state and started attending Distinct Medal College, I lasted only 1yr and half here because two phenomenal incidents happened here, this was the first time I passed out, thinking about it now, I was most likely dehydrated for some reason, I remember vividly singing Nigeria’s national anthem on the school assembly where all the students stood and the teachers would be in front of us and I passed out, all I saw was one of the teachers running towards me and they picked me up and took me to the school’s clinic, I was given a liter of fluids and had the most delicious and over-sweetened and concentrated chocolate milk drink, yummy yummy, I was maybe 10 or 11yrs old here and trust me I loved the attention.
The second incident in this private school was that there were probably less than 10 students in a class. so basically in my class, there was 6 students I think and then we had male twins enroll and join our class, the twins are actually in London now, married with kids. Anyway, we had downtime on this glorious day and we were talking and you know gisting and I said, “after the twins, we haven’t had any student join us, what’s going on, you guys must be blocking the door of our class..”. Apparently the Principal of the school was walking around at the same exact time I was talking and called me in her office. She accused me blocking the door of my class so that new students wouldn’t come.
Who am I? What’s my own, What’s my business, I’m in school to learn, do they pay me? anyway, I forget the whole details but I do remember that the end of the story was that I had to leave her school, can you imagine. “Let’s disrupt an innocent child’s school over such nonsense”. That didn’t even hurt me, but there was a book that was gifted to me around that same time by one of my seniors then, the Principal seized it from me and I never saw that book again, that really hurt me and from then on, I kind of retreated and wouldn’t speak or really talk about my inner thoughts.
My parents at this time were not with us, and going through all this was really tough. This might be the reason why I forget things easily because I try not to hold on to anything serious in particular anymore. The moral of that story is that, when you’re living your life, always remember that nothing just happens just for it to happen. God is the master planner and he knows the beginning from the end, I believe now from the bottom off my heart that God saved me from a bigger problem and put me in a safe place instead. While I was in Shadel Montessori primary school, they didn’t have a high school then, that was one of the reasons I had to attend another high school in the first place. But thank God by the end of that accusation issue, Shadel had finished with building their high school, called Shadel International High School and was enrolling students and there I found myself.
I attended Junior Secondary School 2, and 3, Senior Secondary 1 and the beginning of SS2 when our plans to travel and unite with my parents came to pass. The classes were equivalent to 8th, 9th, 10th and 11th grade. The awesome experience I had here was with the school’s inter-house sport, involving competition between the blue, yellow, green and red teams. The entire school’s students were pre-divided into these teams and I was in the yellow house team and I was voted to be the teams Queen. One of the senior student on our team back then made me up with make up and a wig and with the most beautiful gown, I won’t mention her name here because I don’t have her permission but she was one of the people that left an incredible impression on me. I felt like a queen and had never been so happy in my life. This is why yellow is my favorite color.
Here in the States, reunited with my family, I had to start over from 10th grade at Curtis High School in New York City due to my age, I was only 14yrs old then and that was also where I started my nursing career. Life was definitely different with relearning who my parents were in a new country, their beliefs and \ll\/kalues and parenting was also modified from what I knew, schooling was also different, I missed my friends and neighbors. My mentality then was that I would never be able to see or talk to my friends again, I was depressed. That was when facebook came out and became popular and I was able to reconnect with my friends but the relationship wasn’t the same. I took public transportation to school and was told to go to school and come right back home.
High School was horrid, I pretended through it all. Students made fun of my shoes, my accent and boy did I even retire into my shell the more. I tried to be like the students in my class and joined the running team, after a while I asked myself, why am I punishing myself, who’s running after me? figuratively and physically, I was always the last every competition and I was alone a lot so I quit the team. I tried Lawn tennis, I quit that too, I was finding myself and where I had belonged but didn’t quite succeed in high school unfortunately, my self esteem was so low, only I knew it. I finished high school at 17, still unsure of myself, my achievements and what laid ahead of me. This was 2004, off to college I went pursuing nursing.
The funny thing that happened to me in high school that I would never forget is that one night I had vegetables the night before going to school and by the next morning, I was having a lot of stomach trouble, while I was on the bus, it felt like everyone could hear my stomach growling, I had to poop and I tried so hard to hold it till I got to school, every step I took was with prayer. I remembered my dad’s office was not far from the school and my dad was still at home because I had to leave earlier to get to school on time. So I made it to the office but the office was closed and I lost all hope, my G.I. system sphincter released the unimaginable, my pants were soiled, my shoes, everything. I didn’t eat veggies for a long time after that. I was so glad that it didn’t happen in my school, my life would’ve been over, it would’ve been over after its been over already, like 2nd death.
I’m always glad that I didn’t attend university back in my country, there’s so many stories that could’ve been mine like the professor not giving me the grade I deserve because I didn’t sleep with him or the cult member that will be chasing me or bribing professors and lecturers before getting your grades and many more. I attended a local college for my Undergraduate nursing program, that took me 5yrs to complete, nothing special or out of the ordinary happened in college, except I was still finding my way and then I found my husband. I started my masters program before we got married and I wanted to finish the program before I started having children but the children came first before I finished, it was tough but I’m glad that program is over. All I get to do now is focus on my children’s success.
There was a lot of moving when I was younger and I’m hoping to keep that to a minimum for my children, so that they can grow in a consistent and uninterrupted manner. There was also that period of 5yrs that we weren’t with our parents and even though my Aunt and grandma did an awesome job raising us in that critical time period of our lives, I still would’ve preferred to be with my parents. So I hope that there wont be a situation where I would have to be separated from my children ever. The moral of the story? Cherish every moment, every experience, every situation, every hardship, every disappointment, with them all will come growth, wisdom and a life of fulfillment. Now to you guys, 1) Have you experienced anything close to what I have? Have you ever moved a lot when you were younger and what were the consequences? Any separation from your parents while growing up? Accused of being what you weren’t?
Thank very much for staying with me till the very end, I didn’t mean for this to be this long but I hope you enjoyed every minute of it, and learned something new about me today. And that’s all for now you guys, Ask questions if you have any, you can leave a comment as well. Also, you can like this post by giving it 5 stars. To get notified of new posts, why wait, Subscribe now. Hoping to read from you beautiful people very soon. Don’t forget to love your neighbors as yourself. Remember, to RestInPeace, we all need to be LivingInPeace, Stay blessed.
What is the Percentage? If you don’t know me and you’ll like to hear my voice, click the play button above. I’ll be talking about the sexual assault and sexual misconduct cases that are plaguing America today. Hello you guys and welcome back to my blog, my name is Laraddiji as always. If you’re here for the first time, you’re most especially welcome to this family. Don’t forget to like this blog post and subscribe if you’ve been inspired by what you’ll read today. Well, let’s get to it.
To begin on the topic today, we’ll first define sexual assault (it is an unwanted, illegal sexual contact that is forced and without consent) while sexual misconduct (is an unwelcome behavior sexual in nature committed without consent). What is common to both is the lack of consent which is defined as the permission for something to happen or agreement to do something. Good.
So watching the news about the allegations made of the powerful men being accused of sexual misconduct and sexual assault really had me thinking lately. I think because of my forgiving nature, I couldn’t even blame them at all. Right? Let he who is without sin be the first to cast a stone. John 8:7. I’m a sinner whether I like it or not so who am I to judge a fellow sinner? It is so unfortunate that these things have happened, and to the victims, only God can help them heal totally so that they can move on with their lives. Like my dad always says, forget about the problem, what is the solution right now so that it doesn’t happen again?
What do Bill Cosby, Donald Trump, Harvey Weinstein, Kevin Spacey, Matt Lauer and the others all have in common that differentiates them from the other guys in this country? These guys are rich and powerful men. They are also in positions where they can call the shots, they are also men who have a lot of people working Fine, these people have been accused and hopefully they’re deeply sorry for their offense, how do we fix this societal problem because it isn’t only these guys problems, their action affects every one of us, look at the president of our country now and the decisions he makes, so we need to fix this problem pronto but how can we do that unless we find the root cause.
So what is the root cause of this problem? There are so many sexual references and innuendos on everything we watch on the TV today that is very different on what even I watched how many years ago when I was younger, from unrelated adverts to video games, to movies to music videos, sex is everywhere. It’s like a game in our house now, we try to guess what they’re advertising. When kids are open to this style of living from their young age, being exposed to a life of nakedness, fast life, instant gratification, then self-control will become a hard topic to teach. I believe if we had clean media outlets, there would be a different turn out of our men. Unfortunately, there are many more men who don’t know that there’s a thin line between a regular discussion or touch or hug or even a non-verbal action and discussion that could lead to cases of sexual assault and misconduct. So, can we rightfully say that the media is one of the root causes deep in our subconscious thinking?
Some of the reasons women will go naked or close to it in front of the camera are because of fame, for money, or for money for their families, or money for material things, or maybe because they’re young and their hormones are raging. I’m not in the entertainment industry, but I was thinking, who makes all these decisions about the fashion for women and how naked they need to be for a movie to sell, and who decides what women can and can’t do in their own movies, wink Weinstein, I mean its like women don’t have a voice to say, they don’t want to dress in certain ways or maybe they like dressing naked for the public?
Does that make women the root cause of why we’re having these cases today? I was thinking also, what is the percentage of men who have movie industries compared to women? and what is the percentage of men behind the camera for movies or music videos compared to women? and lastly when women are naked, what percentage of men are actually pleased about it compared to women? most likely more than 60%. It is time for us women to stand up for our rights, no more hiding, no more shame, no more guilt, us women need to hold ourselves to a very high standard so that these types of men will not use and dump us.
I’ve been watching the news lately and I’m still waiting for a man to say he’s been sexually assaulted by a woman. It will never happen because men believe women are for their pleasure, this is why it’s sometimes hard for these men to think they are assaulting women, in their heads and in their minds, they are having fun and they think it should be fun for the women as well even if they do not consent to some acts.
We thank God for the women who fought greatly in American history for women’s rights and it’s so unfortunate that we still need a revolution today. I was watching a show accidentally, called Third Rail and they insinuated that Hollywood was to blame for why there’s so much violence in America we know today in terms of gun violence, so my thinking was in the right direction regarding these sexual misconduct and assault cases, because they are one and the same.
The big question is why do men do it when they know it’s not right? The truth is when you’re doing something wrong for a long time, it starts to look right. Do they do it because of their power or how much money they have? I remember a sermon from my church, my pastor said if you want to know the true character of a person, give him a lot of money. Some men have spent a lot of money to fuel their addictions and their love for material things of this world. Another pastor said if you buy a lot of something you like, you can only use one of that thing at a time.
Some men spend so much money on women while their home is hungry. Their wives and their children are hungry, their future is even hungry and they spend all that money on a short time of enjoyment. A lot of peoples future is suffering because of our mens’ greed. Us women have own issues but it’s the men that have put themselves out there for now so, with these discussions, hopefully, people can think twice before engaging in things of this nature.
Do they do it for the fun? The thing about fun is that when it is not the right type of fun, when you get caught or when the fun is over, the disgrace will be such that, it would’ve been better not to have started with it. I’m sure these accused men are thinking about why they started this behavior in the first place now that they have a lot of time on their hands. Why do married men do it? Are their wives not paying attention as someone mentioned to me in one of our discussions?
What he meant was maybe their wives were too busy for their husbands and that’s why they were engaging in these untoward behaviors. I still have a lot of questions, but what are your thoughts? We will get nowhere as a people if we look at the wrongdoings of our fellow brothers and sisters because that’s what we are fundamentally under all the colors and hair textures and accents and traditions. If we understood this in the beginning, I feel we will be at peace.
Let us remember that at the end of the day, we all have done something we are not proud of. It will be very hypocritical of us to point fingers at them, I hope the victims will be strong enough to forgive them. Please, let us respect ourselves as individuals and remember that our actions eventually affect the people around us whether directly or indirectly regardless of what religion we practice, regardless of where we’re from, and regardless of who we are in the society, with power or without power.
Let’s do things that will make people remember us in positive ways. God willing, We are on this earth for an average of 75-80yrs. Let’s not waste any of that precious time on what will not help us positively in some way. You have a decision to make, if not now, maybe later, the ball is in your court. Thank very much for staying with me till the very end.
That’s all for now you guys, Ask questions if you have any, you can leave a comment as well. Also, you can like this post by giving it 5 stars. To get notified of new posts, why wait, Subscribe now. I’m hoping to read from you beautiful people very soon. Don’t forget to love your neighbors as yourself, Remember, to RestInPeace, we all need to be LivingInPeace, Stay blessed.
If you don’t know me and you’ll like to hear my voice, click the play button.
Parenting, Punishment And Discipline.
Hello you guys and welcome back to my blog. My name is Laraddiji. If you’re here for the first time, you’re very welcome to this family. Did you get a chance to see the last video I did on sexual assault? I applaud you if you did but if you haven’t, you may want to check it out. Don’t forget to like this post and subscribe if you’ve been inspired by what you’ll read. Today, it’s all about Living In Peace. I’ll be talking about some different styles of parenting, the art of punishment and discipline. Well, let’s get to it.
Have you ever thought about this… How can some parents communicate with their children without actually opening their mouth? (and not in an abusive kind of way) especially in African homes. I’m sure you’ve had an instance where this was an issue. What went through your mind? Let’s imagine this … Your parents are in the bedroom and you are called upon or summoned as I called it back then, and that faithful day was the end of your academic school year. “Jordin, come in the room, we want to talk to you.” What goes through your mind as you go see your parents?
Before we get to the juicy stories, let’s first define discipline, it is ‘the practice of training people to obey rules or a code of behavior, using punishment to correct disobedience’ while punishment is ‘the infliction or imposition of a penalty as retribution for an offense.’ We need to understand the meaning of abuse as well to understand the spectrum of training kids. Abuse is the ‘cruel and violent treatment of a person or animal’ Ok, we got that out-of-the-way.
So I lived in Nigeria for the first yrs of my life before moving here to the States and I love reminiscing about my childhood especially the discipline and punishment aspects of both when I was in Nigeria and the discipline change I experienced when I started living here. If you’ve ever lived in an African home, Nigerian one to be exact or maybe you visited your friend at the wrong time, as in when the friend you came to visit is being punished, then you’ll know what I’m talking about.
It could be any one of these types. i) Stoop down ii) kneel down and close your eyes iii) good old spanking with a ruler, a special cane iii) pull your ear and bend down like a monkey iv) straight up tree branch as a switch, that’s what they call it here and fortunately we had lots of trees in our house then. Those were my parents’ favorite. Over here though, the types of punishment I was given was modified when I started living here because here spanking a child is often associated with Child abuse but we called it good old discipline back home.
There were times I would be called into ‘the room’ and it felt like a LIFE sentence, it was like all the old punishments combined. I would’ve asked myself a gazillion questions before I finished taking the required couple of steps it would’ve taken me to walk from the living room to my parents’ room. I passed out once when I got into the room, I was so stressed out from being scared of the situation I had put myself in due to my lying.
The fear of the punishment I received back home was still manifesting here even though the style had been modified due to the country we were in. I remember vividly when I was still in middle school, in Nigeria, we called it elementary school, I got spanked for spending the money someone gave me, instead of waiting to tell my parents about it. These are some of the questions I asked myself after remembering those youthful times of my life and some punishments I have had and I hope I can get some insight from you guys as well.
I Is this fear factor, you know you’ve made bad decisions already before it’s pointed out? Like that time I lied I was in the school library when I was really at the movies with a guy and my parents wanted to pick me up at the school library. I mean I was already caught, so the realization of being caught in that lie already has punished me, should I really be punished some more?
II Why should I be scared in my own house? Well, when you’ve done something wrong, you should expect consequences, they’re usually not good, that’s why they’re called consequences, they’re not fun.
III What have I done? or What have I not done? The dilemma of every child that is called upon. Usually if you have a clean bill of heart, then you shouldn’t question yourself, but most of the times, we do the opposite of what our parents say, so keep asking yourself what you’ve done or not done. If you’ve taken out that garbage you were re told to take out, you’ll be confident they’re calling you for your reward.
IV Were we talking too loud? Did I forget to do something? You question your actions And it gives you a kind of intuition to so some things before you’re even told so that you can enjoy yourself at the end of the day
V What types of punishment have you been dished and which ones have you dished out? I’ve actually tried not to dish out punishment to my kids but trust me, they need discipline and guided punishment, they need to understand there are consequences for their actions whether good or bad. So I do use time out, and occasional taps and then follow-up with a rationale and a hug. Now they tell mummy, oh, he’s misbehaving, kids know trust me, once you’ve laid down the foundation, they will follow it.
VI Time out anyone? Does it really work? Well, Americans will say 3 mins time out for 3 year olds, I’m still learning this concept but back home will that work? We believe as christians and as the bible says, spare the rod and spoil the child, We believe, when done correctly, that you need to beat that disobedient spirit out of that child.
VII Take away all the things that give me pleasure for an amount of time? I can only speak for myself, but most of the time, we didn’t have toys or games or things of that nature growing up, we had books we would’ve been reading so they wouldn’t take that away. The only thing would probably be watching TV.
VIII What are the long-term consequences of some punishments? Anxiety, low self-esteem, low self-confidence, lack of trust, but I will tell you honestly, if you left your children to do what they wanted to do most of the time, then this list will be the least of their worries. I’m sure people in jail now would wish someone spoke some truths in their lives when they were younger or maybe they did but didn’t listen.
XI What type of discipline/punishment really gets you to behave when you were a kid? Punishment when done without wisdom and understanding makes you afraid of the world. I remember when I attended Primary school back home, If we get to school after a certain time, there would be a teacher or even the principal herself at the gate, as you enter, you would get 6-12 strokes of the cane. I felt so bad for my little brother at the time, because we would’ve walked a long way just to get to the school and then on top of that get punished before the start of the school day. There would’ve been a different understanding and outcome if they had asked where we lived and how they could’ve possibly helped us get to school on time and safely. What happened was, we ended up using our school `pocket-money meant for food for transportation instead since there was no way we would get to school earlier unless we left home earlier which would’ve been in the dark because we lived very far. To “behave”, we just found other solutions or alternatives to not be punished even if it meant sacrificing something.
X What are you thinking of when you have been punished or disciplined for doing something wrong? It took me a while to understand this one, for instance, let’s say I got punished for not doing what I was told to do, for a second, I would be angry with my mom or my dad or my teacher because they punished me but then I thought about it, I was actually getting mad at myself for putting myself in that situation. So in the end, I put myself in that position, not anybody else. If I had done what I was told to do, i could’ve avoided the consequences. One thing I sometimes don’t like hearing, especially from watching American life here is that they’ll tell kids it’s not their fault about something that they did caused. Or go to your room and think about what you’ve done.
I was rarely punished when I moved here many years ago but I wont lie, during my college years, I started misbehaving, you know staying out late, hanging out with my school friends, well basically trying to find myself and find my way in this life. But since you know a lie is a lie whether big or small, I was caught in one day. All I heard was “Lara, come here.” my dad had called me into his room, my mum was there too and oh my goodness, I almost peed my pants that day.
It’s not like he was going to spank me, I was a grown lady by then but it was just the fear of what was + the fear of what I had done that overwhelmed me. You know that fear that Adam had in the bible in the beginning when he ate the forbidden fruit with Eve, and forgot how to answer a simple geographical question, when they knew they had done something wrong and weren’t worthy to be in God’s presence, that’s kind of how I felt. Adam where are you, but instead he said I am naked. He could have said, I’m hiding, or I’m in the bush but instead the lie clouded his judgement.
So I got to researching, I’m sure you’ve come across or heard of these types of parenting styles before, they are from verywell.com and are authoritative, authoritarian, permissive, and uninvolved parenting. My parents were definitely authoritative and authoritarian parents, my dad mostly, I think my mom is more of a permissive parent, but there’s a balance. My dad believes strongly in the fact that discipline is very important in a child’s life and more-so when kids are very young and are starting to know what’s right and wrong so that when they’re older, they’ll make better choices in life.
The advantages of having an authoritative parent is that the children will be more independent, will have a high self-esteem, low likelihood to be physically aggressive, and will have an overall good mental health. As I got older, I had a better understanding of why my parents were very strict back home, the discipline I was exposed to helped shaped me into who I am today as a daughter, sister, wife, mother, in-law, aunt, and the woman I am today. America will say don’t abuse your children, there’s discipline and then there’s abuse. What happened in California with the couple who had 13 children is flat-out child abuse, being chained to beds, being fed little to no food and you can just imagine the consequences of what they experienced will be for the rest of their lives.
I have three children now but when it was just the twins, it was challenging, talk less of having thirteen, I think having more than 4-5 children is child abuse in and of itself unless there’s documented and constant assistance, trust me, raising kids can change you mentally if I’m not being a bit overtly dramatic.
Recently, I have questioned and talked to my parents about their choice of discipline when my siblings and I were growing up, and how it has affected me over time. I realized as I got older that the physical disciple I got when I was younger made me less open, an introvert to an extent, I had low self-esteem, and I lacked self-confidence to a point, (I believe my moderate acne also had a role to play in my confidence). However I overcompensated for a lot of my weaknesses. Now that I have kids, I am very conscious on how I discipline my kids because they will tell me about it in the future in how it has shaped them just like I did to my parents, hopefully they’ll have positive comments. yea right. Nobody likes to be disciplined or punished.
Let us remember that at the end of the day, discipline and listening to our children is very important to our kids mentally well-being. How we dish out discipline requires a lot of wisdom. We also need to understand that imposing the old ways of living in this new era we are living in will not work, “Ko le werk”. The times have changed and what we were exposed to when we were growing up is totally different from today so let us educate ourselves and discipline our children accordingly.
Please, let us respect ourselves as parents so that we don’t lose our rights over our children. Let’s stop giving ourselves high blood pressure for no reason. God willing, we are on this earth for an average of 75-80yrs, let’s not waste any of that precious time on things that don’t help our children grow positively in some way. You have a decision to make, if not now, maybe later, but the ball is in your court.
Thank you very much for staying with me till the end, I hope you’ve learnt a lot today. And that’s all for now you guys, ask questions if you have any, leave a comment as well. Also, like this blog post by rating it 5 star. To get notified of new posts, why wait? Subscribe now. I’m hoping to read from you beautiful people very soon. Don’t forget to love your neighbors as yourself. Remember, to RestInPeace, we all need to be LivingInPeace, Stay blessed.
NIGERIAN VS. AMERICAN HEALTH
Perceptions. So, as you might have guessed or maybe you don’t know, I’m Nigerian first and maybe I haven’t said it before I’m a nurse as well, I wanted to use this opportunity to enlighten you guys on some perceptions I believe we’ve come to entertain for as long as I know regarding our health. You see, back when I was in nursing school, I struggled when I was in the nursing program in high school here in the States, not because I didn’t understand English but because most of the terms I had to learn were all new to me and that made it all the more difficult to understand some simple medical terminologies and phenomenon. Thinking back on it now, that was why I almost failed out of the program. Diabetes, Hypertension, Anxiety, Hyperemesis gravidarium, Glaucoma, like really? These were almost like gibberish to me and thank God, I kept on learning, I almost gave up but I’m glad I didn’t.
Since I was old enough to know what nurses did back home and how a nurse had impacted my life when I was very sick, I’d always wanted to become one. So I wasn’t surprised when I said, “I want to become a nurse” when I was asked by my High school guidance counselor. The counselor told my parents, “oh we have a nursing program here in our school” and my second life began right then and there. I had only heard of malaria, hypertension and typhoid, imagine my surprise when I learnt there was more to life than those two diseases that I had grown to know and hear about. My grandpa died of a heart attack I believe because of his history of hypertension but I couldn’t grasp what it meant until learning more about it here in this country in high school in the nursing program. Now I feel like I can talk about why my medical knowledge was lacking. Growing up in Nigeria, people were very hush hush about what they were going through, physically, and mentally, it was kind of like a taboo to talk about themselves and the diseases they had or to even get help for important health related issues, mostly because they were poor or lacked education or like my dad says all the time, “lack of exposure”. Even if they were not poor, western medicine was sort of last option if all the traditional routes had been exhausted. Now its kind of the opposite, if western medicine doesn’t do the magic then they’ll turn to the traditional ones or sometimes they’ll use both together.
So today, I’ll focus on 4 aspects of health that I believe are very important to any individual and the perceptions I’ve observed from living in Nigeria compared to living here in this country.
Regarding pregnancy and birth, what I’ve noticed now that I’m older is that, pregnancies were not celebrated as much as they are here in this country. Even though everyone’s pregnancy story is different and even though the news of being pregnant is a good one, regardless if you’re married or not, most likely, you wont go announcing to everyone you meet that you’re pregnant, they‘ll just most likely confirm it when they start showing or not at all. However here in America, I’ve noticed the opposite, from the time women miss their period, they’re already announcing to everyone and God forbid if they miscarry, they get a lot of support from those people they’ve chosen to tell. This is almost like a taboo from what I’ve learnt from the part of Nigeria I lived in. If possible, the more you can hide the baby until its born, the better, but from who though? Thats for me to know and for you to figure out, but seriously, If I tell you, I’ll have to kill you anyway. The other aspect of celebrating pregnancy that is not popular in Nigeria when I was growing up is that of pregnancy photo shoots, I’m sure that with technology advancements and access to instagram, facebook and other social media outlets, this too will soon gain its popularity. So when you ask some Nigerians their due date or if its a boy or girl, and they are not familiar with American culture or its lack thereof, don’t be surprised if you don’t get an answer. Even as a nurse myself, I did guard both my pregnancies to an extent because of all I’d heard growing up. Nowadays, there’s a thin line between private and public information, the younger generation might not be able to tell the difference anymore. Teach your kids the right way, I beg you.
Regarding preventive care, my perception growing up was that there was none unless you were rich and understood the importance of healthy living, you most likely wouldn’t go see a doctor unless the sickness was very severe and by this time, a medical intervention might be unlikely to save you. There is however an important emphasis placed on antenatal care. Here in the States however, if you’re working and pay some percentage of your salary to a health insurance company as a single person or as a family, you or your family will be covered in the treatments or emergency treatments you receive at your physician of choice. For those who don’t have health insurance, the cost of care is higher and sometimes unbearable. Wow, I actually remember a time when I needed a hole in my teeth to be filled, I had a cavity, it was done when I had insurance and didn’t have to pay any money out of pocket but when I was in college, I wasn’t covered anymore by my parents’ insurance, my tooth was shaking and what happened was, I pulled it out myself because by then, I was having headaches and couldn’t eat well anymore, unfortunately I didn’t know that my tooth had broken apart into three parts deep in my gums because it became weak over the years and later it got infected. I just thank God by the time I saw a doctor, I was now insured and was able to take out the tooth without paying too much money. So this is the importance of having health insurance and I wish our Nigerian government officials would work on making healthcare something one can be proud of in Nigeria among many other issues. The perception of some Nigerians however is that, once you have enough money to come to the States then they will be cared for automatically, which is not so in many cases, this is why the orange man can call our homes shit hole countries but for the purpose of time, I wont go further into that.
Regarding disease and mental health, my perception was that none existed just like preventive care. I feel like because we are majorly a religious country, we tend to pray more during these times and have faith that God will heal us. Mostly, we see disease as a test of our faith while others tend to ignore or deny that the problem even exists and they think maybe it will go away on its own, sometimes due to their lack of education or due to poverty. People with some type of associate with their symptoms and usually could ruin the reputation of a whole family, thats why I probably wasn’t exposed to people who had these disorders when I was younger, family members wouldn’t talk about these diseases in the first place, talk less of hearing about them. Regarding death and dying, the only person I saw dead when I was younger was my grandfather who died of a heart attack most likely, probably due to his history of hypertension and was he taking medications or maybe he changed his lifestyle, I have no idea. One thing is that kids weren’t allowed to know a lot about what’s beyond their age, right? Here, everyone knows everything about everything since pre K, you can ask my kids, they know what a volcano and a cave is, I didn’t even teach them that. Am I right or am I right? Thank you google. Well, I asked my dad and husband about their experience with death and dying while they were back home and what I learnt was that death below a certain age, let’s say below 65 was believed to be unnatural, regardless of the situation surrounding the person, which sounded mostly like cases of coincidences and unhappy endings. If someone doesn’t understand the phenomenon of a disease or disorder or an infection for instance, the blame is placed mostly on the fact that nature or someone is against that person. Over here though, the individual can buy a casket ready for his death if it happens anytime, some believe that they do not want to burden their children wit funeral expenses, that will be a taboo in my country.
Regarding health care delivery, there’s a lot of laws here that prevents a lot things from happening to patients, like patient abuse, illegal dissemination of patient information and patient’s exposure to danger either through medication administration, medical or surgical intervention. Unfortunately, there’s a lot thats lacking in our health care industry back home. You will find that people who travel to African countries often have to get some shots before they travel out to prevent them from getting some diseases like malaria, typhoid, and yellow fever, some have to travel with some basic medication, pain relief, bug sprays, and others. Due to lack of important supplies by community clinics and some hospitals will actually pray not to get sick because the health care system lacks too much to get sick there. Thats one of the reasons why I eventually ventured into the nursing field. There’s been a lot of incongruence and lack of trust for western medicine and sometimes this manifests in the gathering of information through medical histories. I know my parents are guilty of this as well as other Nigerians or Africans, I was taught to not reveal my past medical history of relatives, cancer, diabetes, and others to the doctor not because of being shamed for it but because, they feared that they would be associated with the diseases, not knowing the medical history map helps in mapping out interventions to prevent such from becoming problems in the future. I feel some of the older generations are still operating under this assumption. I’ll stop right here today.
I’m always imploring people to have a primary physician and instead of guessing what the problem is and wasting precious time with that bad headache and that back pain they had, to visit them instead, it can’t hurt. I just pray that the general system in Nigeria and other African countries will get better for good. Until then, eat well, exercise more and live a peaceful life so you don’t add unnecessary stress to your life. Am I forgetting anything, you guys can help me with the ones I’m missing, what are the perceptions that stand out about your country compared to living here in the United States. Alright, that wraps it up.
Thank very much for staying around with me till the end, I hope you’ve learnt something new today. Ask questions if you have any, you can leave a comment as well. Also, you can like this post by giving it 5 stars. To get notified of newly posted posts, Subscribe now. I’m hoping to read from you beautiful people very soon. Don’t forget to love your neighbors as yourself and remember, to RestInPeace, we all need to be LivingInPeace, Stay blessed.
Mother-in-laws & nature
Have you ever thought about this…?
As a married man or woman, would you let your mother live with you or maybe let her be a guest for more than a couple of days? Why or why not? If you’re married, I’m sure you’ve had an instance where this was an issue. What went through your mind? Let’s imagine this… Your husband’s mother came for a visit and she decided to stay for a couple of weeks but saw you guys arguing about something very big, like finances or maybe something like child care.
So what happened was, my mum and I were having a conversation regarding staying with me, her daughter and my family whenever we bought a house or after she retires, so that she can help me with childcare instead of me hiring an outsider, but she said she would rather stay with her sons in their houses instead because she would feel more comfortable, the reason being 1) she gave birth to them so she would have more say in their house than in mine, and 2) they’re men and are the head of the house and will honor her as their mother and be on her side on some issues. So anytime we had some guests over at my house, I started bringing this topic up to get other people’s opinion so that I could gauge my way of thinking. It turns out that I wasn’t wrong in thinking my mom would be best to stay at my place than my brothers.
These are some of the questions I asked myself after that conversation was over and I hope I can get some insight from you guys as well.
I Regardless of whose house the mother-in-law is in, her daughter or her son, is ‘she’ allowed to interfere? Not necessarily interfere in a marriage but her opinions or advice may be taken into consideration in certain situations but she definitely should not be interfering.
II Are there situations where mother-in-laws can and cannot interfere in their children’s homes? Depending on the reason why a MIL is in her child’s house, the situations I can think of might be in that of an argument, something negative going on in the house, and basically the role would be resolution of conflict apart from that, boundaries will be crossed. Taking care of children, meal preparations, financial issues are all no no topics.
III Depending on how long you’ve been married, how do you deal with privacy issues with a MIL? There are some women who don’t have any boundaries, however, as a wife, you should study your MIL and see what she likes and doesn’t like, because you don’t only marry the guy, you marry his family and vise-versa. Learn from her first and you’ll see that situations will come where she’ll learn from you as well. She knew your husband before you so definitely use her knowledge to your advantage. Don’t remove her from your equation.
IV Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries, who can set them and who maintains them? Men they say are the head of the house hold but without the neck, the wife, the head cannot stand, unless it is a statue. So therefore, to work together, the couple makes the rules, not that you’ll write it on a plaque and place it where everyone will see it but as a couple, you’ll decide what goes, whats accepted and whats not, if there is an issue, the wife speaks to her husband, husband speaks to his mom. Depending on the relationship between the MIL and the wife or marriage duration, if y’all are that close, then speak directly to MIL.
V Would you even agree to let your mother-in-law stay with you for more than a couple of days? There are certain situations you’ll need an extra hand in the house so just remember that nobody is coming to take over your family and your MIL will leave eventually, just keep it together and behave yourself.
VI Apart from childcare, what can your mum or MIL help you out with? cooking, cleaning? kids? I can’t think of anything else, maybe you can help me.
VII What have your experiences been so far with your mother-in-law living with you? I remember when I went to Nigeria with my husband now to see her for the forst time, she was a sweet woman and very patient. Fortunately, I had the pleasure of spending two months with my MIL here in NewYork before she passed on and she taught me how to do a couple of things when she visited my husband and I before we got married. Unfortunately, I’m sure she would’ve loved to care for the twins because she knew about them and we had plans for her to help in raising them but God knows best and I know now that she’s resting and watching over our family.
VIII What can you do as the husband or wife to be in good graces with your mother-in-law? Definitely listen, listen listen to your MIL. my mom said she knew my husband now was the one because she overheard him talking on the phone with me, saying with a prayer that we would have twins, which was my dream and saying other positive things into existence. I’m sure my hubby picked me as well because i’m such a humble and peaceful person, we are alike in that area.
XI Why are the father-in-laws usually not in the equation? Women sha… Men are usually in the background when it comes to issues of the home, so it’s not surprising when father-in-laws are not necessarily in the conversations.
X What advice will you seasoned wives give the newbie wives regarding mother-in-laws? Listen to her, she just wants to be heard. Listen to them, there’s truths in their assessments. Don’t take all they say to be an issue.
I remember when I was living with my grandmother, my uncle and his family were also living in the family house at the time but in a different apartment, there was always tension between my uncle’s wife and my grandmother. I don’t want to believe that she was doing it on purpose but I know she was probably too overprotective of her son, but why? You know, it’s not hot enough, its not cold enough, do it this way and not that way, just making simple situations difficult but I don’t remember any details.
Some mother-in-laws forget that there’s a thin line and a big difference between their ‘son’ and their “married son”. When men and women are not married, their mothers can sort of control them, what I mean is that their opinions can still weigh-in heavily on some or most of the decisions they make. However, when they’re married, their opinions or pronouncements become advice, their adult children can either take them or not. It therefore becomes imperative that parents should not impose or force their ways on their adult kids.
The bible even says it, Gen 2:24 ‘ therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and they shall become one flesh.’ But some attached mothers don’t want to leave their sons and they become terror to their daughter-in-laws by interfering even when they don’t really mean to, I think. To me, this should not and should never be about who to control and who is being controlled. If you’ll be an assistance to the couple, then do just that, but please know your boundaries. To mother-in-laws and future mother-in-laws, if you’re at your married children’s house as a guest, please be a guest, don’t be a judge on how they should run their lives. In unpalatable situations, speak to your party that is your son or daughter in private and with a lot of wisdom, you may talk to your in-law. Unless you’ve been directly involved in a matter by the couple, do not interfere.
Another thing is that young men nowadays think they know it all in their marriage but they’re just getting by. We all need help: those dating, courting, newly weds, marinated ones and even the seasoned ones. We not only need bible study in our churches but I think we also need marriage study. Our home is the place where essential life begins, we learn too much from this place for it not to have a good structure. Some people don’t have the skills to structure their homes even if they really wanted to. It is expected that when two people come together, that they’ll just figure it out but we all need help in figuring it out so that we don’t drown in this sea of life. So I propose Married Anonymous where couples can come together and ask questions and formulate plans for making their marriage last longer instead of finding easy ways out, ‘divorce’. But on a more serious note, ultimately, communication, praying together, keeping an open mind, being forgiving and being very very patient usually solves all matter.
Foundation is always important in every important setup, and the foundation of a marriage is as important as the people in it. If your parents don’t like your significant other from the beginning because of whatever reason they have, think on it because your parents, and your friends usually can see what you may not see about your potential spouse. This can be a preset to how your in-laws will relate with you when you get married. If your parents like your significant other from the beginning or settle any differences from the get-go, then the relationship with the in-laws will be a positive one. To you guys out there still in the dating pool, remember these points and save yourself some headache down the road. Personally, I hope I’ll be a good mother-in-law to my children’s spouses one day and I hope you will too. God willing. Mind you, my kids are not even in pre-K yet, i’m already thinking about being a mother-in-law.
Let us remember that at the end of the day, there will be misunderstandings and minor arguments in the home, it becomes imperative that we should try to understand each other more and also to forgive easily. Please, let us respect ourselves as mothers and give our kids room to grow without judgement.
Let’s stop giving ourselves high blood pressure for no reason. God willing, We are on this earth for an average of 75-80yrs. Let’s not waste any of that precious time on things that don’t help us grow positively in some way. You have a decision to make, if not now, maybe later, the ball is in your court. Thank you very much for staying with me till the end, I hope you learnt something today. Please ask questions if you have any, you can leave a comment as well. Also, you can rate this post with stars 1-5 at the top. To get notified of newly posted blog, why wait, subscribe now, join the Living in Peace [LinP] family. I’m hoping to read from you beautiful people very soon. Don’t forget to love your neighbors as yourself. Remember, to RestInPeace, we all need to be LivingInPeace, Stay blessed.
Reintroduction to my blog.
Guess who’s back, just guess, for this to be fun, you really have to guess, Its me you guys, it’s me, I’m back,
Where did I go? Well, I just had a baby, that’s why I went away for a while, but now I’m back. Hello you guys, and welcome.
If you’re here for the first time, you’re most specially welcome to this LivinginPeace family. Don’t forget to like this post and subscribe if you’ve been inspired from what you’ll read today.
Sorry for the long break, it was kind of expected, I got pregnant and had a baby, so while waiting for baby to come, I decided to get myself together for youtubing properly and blogging has been on my mind as well. So this is actually kind of an intro to the serious part of my youtube channel and blog as well. The past videos I uploaded actually helped in becoming a little bit confident in navigating my way through youtube from creating content and uploading videos. I’m someone that loves writing a lot, mostly about my life and because I have a full time job, I find myself not focusing on that part of my life like I would really love to, so thats where youtube came through for me. I’ll try my best to upload the blog part of my videos as I post them for those of you who like to read instead.
Youtube has actually always been a part of my life ever since I moved here from Nigeria, and since I wasn’t a big fan of American music, Youtube became my go to search engine for my kind of music, which is what I’ve known all my life anyway and from what you might have heard about recently in the music industry, Nigerian music is actually doing pretty well internationally so I didn’t make a bad choice sticking with my own people. Not that I don’t listen to American music but, you know, we just don’t click like that. So anyway, that’s one part of what I use youtube for.
I consider myself a conservative young woman and before I got married, I always kept my face very natural, acne scars and all. I wasn’t into make-up at all throughout high school and even throughout my college years, but my eyes were opened when I hired a makeup artist for my wedding called 3D Looks MakeUpArtist, you can check her out on her facebook page. When I looked at myself in the mirror when she was done working her magic, it was like, wow, make-up really does enhance what you already have, that was my second time with a full face makeup. The first time was for my high school prom, a white lady actually made me up, and oh my goodness, I was so scared of myself when I looked in the mirror, I looked like Casper and that kind of set the mood for my prom, boy was I moody. She made me up as if I was a white lady or maybe I was just so inexperienced in make up that I thought I looked bad. oh well.
So anyway, with make up, all you have do is define your eyebrows, cover your acne scars, enhance your lashes with false ones, put some color on and you’ll see that just a small amount of makeup can bring out your best face to the table, and then you’ll feel like you can conquer the world. I promise you, I didn’t take off my first fake eyelashes for like two days after the wedding, I must have batted them a million times everywhere I went, I felt like a goddess. After the wedding, I started searching for ways I could improve the health and look of my face, not that I wasn’t happy with what it looked like in the first place but because it needed a lot of work. I was conditioned to thinking beautifying our physical and outward appearance was not necessary, but later I realized, they were very much needed most especially for my self esteem. If you’ve seen my video ‘makeup beginnings and Journey’ you’ll know the story behind what I mean by my self esteem. If you haven’t, you can check it out at the end of this video. Youtube became my life saver, I searched how-to videos on makeup and my makeup game has changed now for the better and it’s still a work in progress. Ever since I started learning from different people all around the world and watching videos on how they started out initially eventually inspired me to start my own youtube channel.
The other reason I started a youtube channel is because of my work schedule, I don’t know if I’m alone on this but sometimes when I needed to talk about something and my husband was busy or sleeping, I wouldn’t want to disturb him, and since I’m not the type of person who has a lot of girlfriends, I felt I’ll just talk to you guys here and not have that feeling that the people I’m talking to don’t really care. I can be a perfectionist at times about certain projects and youtube has definitely been that project for me because it does take a lot of time from content development to filming and planning to execution. For me, last year was actually supposed to be about my weight loss journey but I later found out I was pregnant three months in, so I postponed uploading more videos until after I would have had the baby, so guess what, that just happened a couple of months ago and what have I been doing behind the scenes while I was pregnant? well, more planning and more content developing.
So here are the four aspects my channel will feature basically about living life. I’m so looking forward to recording and shooting videos about them.
Living in Peace is a series I’ve been working on for a very long time but lacked a platform for showcasing my thoughts on certain topics that has stirred me up inside in my day to day life, so in the upcoming episodes, you’ll get a glimpse of how I’m living a peaceful life from Lara’s point of view and my hope is that I’ll also inspire you to think differently or look at certain situations in a new light in your day to day.
School of Fraternal Twins will feature fun things about my first kids, who are fraternal boy girl twins. How they communicate, their mannerisms, and their growth in general as twins. Preparing them school, crafts, educational toy reviews and many more. It will also feature what they have learnt from us as parents so far and what we are learning from them as well. This series is for everyone but most importantly for those who have kids, or planing to have kids, or if you’re taking care of kids and you want a different perspective on some topics, you’re welcome.
Living in Fast Express is a series about living life basically, most especially how I balance my work life as a nurse and practitioner, my home life with my husband and three kids. I will talk about my pregnancies, c-section vs. vaginal deliveries, weight loss journey, child care, my side projects, and how I try to organize myself and many more. This is for everyone, no one is left out. You’ll definitely learn something from this series
Do It Yourself Today is kind of a motivational series for my self and for you guys because I’ve watched a lot of youtube videos mostly about makeup, hair, cooking, set design and many others, so if you’re a procrastinator like I am about doing what I just mentioned, then this episodic series might be for you because I’ll post videos of me attempting to do something myself, that you can replicate not later but right now and today.
Please ask questions if you have any, you can leave a comment as well. Also, you can like this blog post by rating it with stars. To get notified of newly posted blogs, why wait, Subscribe now.
The next blog post is about the relationships we have with our Mother-in-laws & their Mother nature. If you’re married or single or just want to learn something new, this is definitely for you. Do check out my suggested videos and I’m hoping to read from you beautiful people very soon. Don’t forget to love your neighbor as yourself and remember, to RestInPeace, we need to be LivingInPeace, Stay blessed.
It’s been a while.
“Most great people have attained their greatest success just one step beyond their greatest failure. Napoleon Hill.”
“Never let failure get to you heart and never let success get to your head.” Anonymous.
So don’t give up. If you fall, you get back up again. If you’ve failed before, you pick yourself up again and put in the best of your best. That’s my plan.
Ok, so I decided it’s been a while that I’ve written on this platform, so I’m back. I’ll try to put something here once a week. Sometimes it’s hard to get some time to myself. So far, I’ve been brainstorming on the direction I want to go on my YouTube channel I started early last year but because I was pregnant and didn’t want to stress myself out, I decided to put a hold on it. I finished my schooling in Nursing late 2016 and haven’t been successful in passing my certification exam and i’ve sort of put my life on pause because of that. My nursing career and my life plans, all on hold. However, something told me, and I believe its God’s angel whispering to me and said, don’t put your life on hold because one aspect of your life hasn’t happened yet. There’s a lot of my moves counting on this one exam and it gives me anxiety at times but I’ve learnt to continue living my life. Philippians 4:6-7 I will not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, I will present my requests to you. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard my heart and my mind in Christ Jesus.
I’ve been studying again and I’m very hopeful this time around. ‘Time is sort of against me but I know that God is within me, so timing will not be my problem, sometimes when things don’t go our way, we panic but no, just relax and do your part and you’ll see God’s work in your life. Do check out my youtube channel, Laradiji. It’s sort of still in the laying-the-groundwork sort of phase, you know laying some solid foundation for whats to come. I have no idea what’s coming, but its going to come. Living-in-Peace, LifeInFastExpress, SchoolOfFraternalTwins, DoItYourselfToday and Freestyle sections of my youtube channel bring different areas of who I am to life. One word I hate is niche because there’s so many parts of me that makes me who I am today and I feel like talking about one subject wouldn’t make the channel complete.
I would call myself an introvert to some level but lately I’ve been pushing myself to come out a little bit more out of my shell. I’m hoping this all leads to a good place where I can have time for my growing family and be able to provide a good environment for my children to grow. There’s a lot of things that will happen this year and God willing, my dreams will come to pass this Year across the board. Well, I gotta go, that book will not read itself. See you guys later. Hope i’ll read your comments on my youtube channel very soon.
Nothing but a number!!!
Have you ever thought about your age and what it says about you or what others say about it?
Let’s imagine someone sizes you up at work, at school, or out in the street and tells you, wow, you look like you just finished high school. But in reality you know you are way older or maybe you’re even way younger? What would you think?
I personally always cringe regardless of the compliment when someone tells me I look like a schoolgirl… maybe I’m overthinking it or maybe I have a low esteem, however, I would rather hear a simple “oh you look nice” and move on along. Let’s stop lying to ourselves. That compliment was cute 20yrs ago. So this video is a pep talk to myself and maybe it’s for you too.
So, I’m officially old!!! I just passed a milestone. Even though age is just a number, and even though I feel like I’m still 18 in my mind, the fact still remains that my physical body is aging. My age says I’m officially old. My age says I’m officially mature (whatever that means). My age says I’m officially an adult but I still love being catered to, I admit it, but as one of the adults of the household now, I’m usually the one in charge of the kids, in charge of the cleanliness of the home, and in charge of the organization and smooth works of the house. That’s a lot of responsibility.
Not that I’m scared to be an adult, but because as we age, we’re closer to our end of life and I’m like, what have I achieved? Who have I helped? Who have I encouraged? Who have I blessed, Who have I lifted up? Have my choices affected someone negatively?
It was then I realized that this life is all about stages, from our conception till the day we die, there are stages that are being completed. The age and stage that you are in right now might be different from the ones I’m in, so evaluate yourself and the stage you’re in, do you need to make any adjustments? We don’t need to compare or compete, we need to just live our lives, I’m living mine. So these are some of the questions I asked myself, maybe they relate to you too.
i) Lara, Have you accepted how old you are now?
I’m grateful to be as old as I am today however, I’m personally still working on myself since it’s a milestone age and I’m definitely thankful to God to be alive above all. There are a lot of people who did not live to see a lot of what I have in life.
ii) Lara, Does your age bother you in any way?
I want to accomplish a lot more, however, I feel like, with my new age, that time is no longer on my side anymore, which I know in the back of my mind, it still is, but it just feels like it’s not, every day we wake up, we are closer to the end, sigh!!! For some, trying to have kids depends on how old they are and that can be a big problem as time goes on. There are other problems where age plays a role also.
iii) Lara, What age are you looking forward to?
I’m looking forward to the age where my kids will be grown and be able to make their own decisions, but, I don’t want it to be here just yet even though I’m looking forward to that time. I just want the time to slow down a bit.
iv) Lara, Does your physical age equal your mental age?
Right now, I believe they are not equal at all… I still feel young in my mind and I know a lot of people say that but what does it really mean? Are we all in denial? or we’re just wishing we could turn back the hands of time?
V) Lara, What is your most exciting age?
So far, I don’t think I have one in particular, mainly because I’ve only been living a basic life, I’m sure there are some people out there that are in the same boat as I am. We do nothing out of the ordinary but I’m determined to live now, really live, travel, try new things and most importantly share it with my family and you guys rooting for me.
So that does it for the questions today, Let us remember That our age is a just a number, however, let’s not let that number stop us from doing what truly matters, which is being in line with our purpose on this planet. Let’s not take ourselves for granted, let’s not take ourselves too seriously either, let’s not try to put the world on our shoulders, we can still accomplish a lot in this life, whether we’re 1 or 90, we all have our purposes in life, we can still live our dreams. I’m living mine now. So when someone compliments us on how young we look, despite our current age, let’s just take it all in and say thank you.
Please, let us respect ourselves and stop giving ourselves high blood pressure for no reason. God willing, We are on this earth for an average of 75-80yrs, Let’s not waste any of that precious time on things that don’t help us grow positively in some sort of way.
Makeup Beginning and Journey.
The only reason I decided to add make-up videos to my youtube channel was because I would like to help some people who have self-esteem issues on their face like I did to use make-up in adding a touch of confidence to their lives. I remember when I first started working at the hospital in the city, I had mild to moderate acne and you will not see pictures of that because I wouldn’t take any. It was so bad to the extent that, if my manager wanted to talk to me, I would hide and always looked guilty in some situations because I didn’t have that self-confidence at all.
I realized that earlier on in my nursing career when I wasn’t using makeup at all, my patients and their family members would ask me where I was from, I felt unpolished and local I guess, that’s what I thought at the time. People ask ridiculous questions when you’ve not dressed the part or look the part and I felt unhappy even with the uniform we all have to wear. I confidently told them I was from Nigeria regardless of whatever they had heard or experienced and then they go “oh, how did you learn to speak fluent English was usually their next question” or “I wouldn’t have guessed that you were from Nigeria” Oh really. I wouldn’t have guessed your ignorance.
That commercial where a lady goes, everyone is looking at my acne and not me, that was me. I felt like I didn’t look good enough, and my confidence plummeted, Anytime someone talked to me, I knew they were looking at that big red hill on my face, they were very painful too. My low self-esteem was so low and that it had a huge effect on my job performance because I didn’t talk much, I basically stayed by myself most of the time and I definitely didn’t socialize much either, I pretty much stayed in my lane.
I tried a lot of products for that acne, some worked and some didn’t. I believe Proactive really worked for me to an extent but I stopped using it due to fact that it made my face swell up every time I woke up at night. I believe I was allergic to some of the ingredients in their products. So, when proactive+ was released I decided to give the new products a try and I wasn’t disappointed, it worked wonders and my face cleared up a lot in a matter of weeks.
Back home in my country Nigeria, we used a special wash cloth to wash our face and for some reason, I felt like my face wouldn’t be clean unless I used that sponge. I later learned that could be part of what made my face broke out all the time. I experimented staying away from washing my face with the strong wash cloths and the week I stopped using that sponge, there was a lot of difference, I also started using alba botanical clean and treat towelettes. One side to scrub and one side to cleanse. That worked wonders for my face and helped to remove any make-up and any dead skin cells, keeping my face refreshed, smooth and beautiful.
I grew up believing that make-up was for promiscuous ladies and that’s why I didn’t dabble in it until my late 20s when I realized it’s power for a simple girl like me. There’s make-up and then there’s scary, what in the world do you have on your face girl make-up. So today, I thank God for youtube because I started learning from a lot of youtubers on how to cover up the rest of my acne scars, I purchased simple products for my makeup and started getting compliments at work. Rarely do I get those questions of where I’m from in a condescending manner but now of compliments. Even though we all have our inner beauty which is the most important of all, our face is still the window into that said beauty. The most important advice I’ll give which I’m sure we’ve all heard before would be, “Exactness and neatness in moderation is a virtue, but carried to extremes narrows the mind.” By Francois Fenelon