EFNF ::Empathy For Number Four::


You’re welcome welcome, welcome,  it’s another Freestyle episode on Laraddiji and its all about numbers today, especially the number 4. There aren’t a lot of numbers that are special to me but over the years 2, 3, 4, 5, 7, and 9 have made the cut. I remember when I was younger, I loved having a big family around, especially during the holidays, my cousins would come home from all around the country to celebrate together and enter a new year together, those were fun times for me back then and I loved and wished and prayed to have that for my own family. As I grew older and understood a little bit more about having and raising kids and especially here in the States where help and support is a bit challenging, the number of kids I desired started to decrease to three and then two. I feel like 3 is the average number of kids for a lot of families, I didn’t do any research on this by the way, and guess what that’s why we have that middle child syndrome. so if a couple has a fourth child, it’s like crossing some sort of an invisible barrier that says, now you have a lot of kids. 3 kids is not a lot but 4 definitely is. Its so funny.

After we got married, something changed in our plans and my husband agreed with me to have more kids after we had the fraternal twins. I personally didn’t want our lives to be all about the twins, and I didn’t want them to be our only kids, the only boy and the only girl, especially when we both came from a family of three kids each,  we wanted them to be able to share their love with their other siblings. Then we had another boy after three years making our family a girl and two boys but what ended up happening was that I felt bad for our second son, the twins formed a partnership naturally even though they loved their brother dearly and sometimes, they would lock him out of the room when they were playing and he would cry so hard because he was all alone, so we decided to get our second son a partner, someone he could form his own partnership with. I was hoping it’ll be a girl, so it’ll be two boys, two girls, you know, the older twins vs young boy and girl but God gave us another boy, and now we have four kids, one girl and three boys. But I’ve been warned the partnership will soon be regrouped into three boys group and a lonely girl. So I said, well, its ok, she’ll partner with me against the boys. 2 to 4, our family.

I got the feeling that people were thinking 4 kids was a lot by the questions they asked me, 4 kids is definitely a lot but thank God for Pre-K, it really helps, those 6 hrs. that go by lightning fast. I wasn’t bothered by the questions I was asked but the motive behind the questioner, and I also wondered what if they could ask the right questions instead of questioning my decisions to have more kids. What are people actually thinking when you’re pregnant with baby number 4? The questions were innocent enough but can make someone think twice about being nice in the way they choose to answer the questions. Didn’t you just have a baby last year? Weren’t you just pregnant last year? Are you due in the same month like your other kids? Wont you need a bigger space? Do you know what you’re having, is it twins again? Are you going to have more kids after this one? You’re done right? How old is the last one? How old are the oldest? So this makes how many girls vs boys?

I came up with some questions for you to ask if you’re faced with this kind of situation, if you know someone that has more than 3 kids. Please be empathetic, which means showing an ability to understand and share the feelings of another. Put yourself in their shoes even though its not of your business, even though you didn’t tell them to go and get pregnant, even though its not your fault they still have to work while they’re heavily pregnant. I used to think to myself when I was at work, ” nobody told me to go and pregnant for the third time so I wont let anybody start the gossip that I was lazy because I was pregnant. I worked hard because, 1) exercise for me, 2) its almost over, I kept telling myself. Its so easy to forget how it feels to be pregnant so a little gesture goes a long way even  if its just a word of encouragement. These are the questions I came up with, instead of saying you have a lot of kids.

— How’re you feeling?

— How’re you coping with the other kids at home?

— Do you have any help and support at home?

— Will you get help like a nanny or a sitter

— When’s your next vacation?

Be happy for people when they’re pregnant, regardless if its number 1 or number 15, they are such blessings and they come with different personalities, Babies have different personalities and come with different gifts. If you have kids, or are trying for kids of your own, tell us of your experiences regarding the questions people have asked you that has frustrated you, and please help me add to the questions they should be asking. This is how I think about it, people are naturally selfish and unless we tell them what we would like to hear from them regarding our situation, they’ll tell you how your situation affects them through their experiences, please don’t blame them, because most of them don’t know and might not ever know what you’re going through. If you have 3 or more siblings, please shout out in the comment section if you’ve gotten the look that you have a lot of siblings and how you felt about that.

Thank you very much for staying with me till this part of the video. Living in Peace is the main section of my channel so do check out the other sections.  I’m a lover of peace and I love talking about situations we might find ourselves in that need peaceful endings. Let’s stop giving ourselves high blood pressure for no reason as we live our lives. God willing, we are on this earth for an average of 75-80yrs. Let’s not waste any of that precious time on matters that don’t help us positively in some way. You have a decision to make, if not now, maybe later, the ball of empathy is in your court. Ask questions if you have any, don’t hesitate to leave a comment as well. Like this post by giving it a thumbs up so that I can make more of them and also you can follow me on Instagram @Laraddiji and subscribe to my channel so you don’t miss the many more sizzling topics to come. Please, let’s love our neighbors as ourselves and remember, to Rest.In.Peace, we all need to be Living.In.Peace, Stay blessed.

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